No Problem. Is a Problem

No schwierigkeit. Is a Problem I welcome him like I welcome cold sores.Paula Abdul (speaking of American Idols Simon Cowell) Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.former Vice President, Dan Quayle, who was bedrngnis an astronaut CHOICES/Image Michael MoffaOne gauge of the state of manners and civility in modern professional and personal life is the ritualized expressionsboth verbal and non-verbalthat characterize our interactions. The triumph of the expression no dicke bretter bohren mssen over youre welcome is one such barometer of our changing social and (un)civil climate. As such, it constitutes a warning of social clouds overhead.Ask Your GrandmotherThere once was a time when if someone said, Thank you, the natural and virtually universal reply would have been youre welcome. Check with your grandmother to confirm this. In the highest-levels of professional or formal in teraction, this is probably still the norm. Likewise, among non-native English speakers, who generally learn the fruchtwein polite English from their formally-trained instructors, youre welcome prevails, despite their fondness for the too casual gonna (going to).But ask yourself whether your typical response or the one you hear most often among recruiters, between recruiters and candidates or between recruiter and client is youre welcome, or no herausforderung.In all likelihood, quite accustomed to saying or hearing no problem, most people wont give it a first or second thought. Its as natural as put a shrimp on the barbie, mate is in Australiaeven if no prawblem conceivably may have not originated there.You enter any shop or store, you pay for your purchase and say, Thank you. If the assistant, clerk or Star Bucks barista is under 40 (as they all seem to be at any Star Bucks Ive been in around the world), it is as predictable as saggy pants on a rapper that youll hear no problem in response.The problem with no problem is that it is absolutely the wrong thing to sayincluding for recruiters.The Problem with No ProblemWhats wrong with it is that it distorts thank you into Im sorry. Think about it Thank youNo problem you didnt cause me any or much trouble or inconvenience. (Giving you my money inconvenienced you?) Or, No problem just dont do it again. (Dont buy another Super Mocha Grande?) Or, No problem it wasnt important, anyway. (Ah, my business is unimportant?) Or, No problem no big deal for me. (My patronage doesnt matter?)the latter being subtly different from It wasnt important, anyway. These are not responses to expressions of appreciation. They are responses to an apology for wrongdoing.Now, imagine saying no problem to a client who has just said thank you for your candidate search and recommendations. If you are younger, rather than older, you may be at risk of saying no problem as a reflex, like Im like., since its part of the MTVocabulary (not to be c onfused with empty vocabularyor at least not by anyone who speaks MTV).Whenever I elicit a no problem, I cringe and think, Im sorry, but did I just apologize to you, instead of thanking you? If I do say, Im sorry, but did I just apologize to you?, then no problem ironically becomes the appropriate reply to me, since, indeed, I will have just expressed a real apology at that moment (for having confused thanks with Im sorry). My bad.Of course, no problem is supposed to be casual, non-formal, just as its OK is. The problem with this equivalence is that its OK should also be used only in response to an apology. Im sorry Im late.No problem/Its OK. Besides, why should being casual legitimize such a mismatch of remark and reply?The Problems of Illogic and Being Ill-ManneredPerhaps the evolution of such an accusatory acknowledgement as no problem is the result of flawed MTV logic Casual is good. Therefore non-polite is good. Therefore impolite is good. This kind of thinking clearly underlie s about 95% of the taunting banter between adolescent males who otherwise call themselves friends Yo doofus, wus up?They can get away with that illogic you cantunless you are recruiting mall-rat saggy-pants teenagers for executive posts.Another possible explanation for the displacement of thank you by no problem is that those who say no problem really do feel annoyed, inconvenienced or otherwise negative about the person thanking them and are letting their true feelings leak outin the culturally driven spirit and priorities of authenticity, being oneself or integrity that have similarly and generally displaced courtesy, politeness, respect and sensitivity (sensitivity of the second kind, viz., altruistic, rather than the currently more common hyper-sensitivity to umbrage).If I were in a recruiting situation in which I actually harbored such negative sentiments, I would resist the temptation to let my feelings leak so casually. No, instead of no problem, I would say in response to th ank you, This is not an issue. (Just kidding.)The Wisdom of Robert Downey, JrA third hypothesis is suggested by Oscar-winning actor Robert Downey, Jrs response when asked in an vorstellungsgesprch how he would characterize American youths. His answer fearful narcissists. As an intriguing speculation, his characterization suggests that no problem may be designed to convey two thingsfirst, that the stance or attitude of the thanked was actually defensive, borderline fearful, in expecting some huge imposition second, that self-absorption makes the thanked party oblivious to any pleasure in being helpfulthe kind of pleasure youre welcome ritualistically or sincerely conveys.For the fearful narcissist, youre welcome sends entirely the wrong message, on two counts, viz., it is an existentially inauthentic lie to suggest that the thanked party actually felt comfortable in being asked for help and a second lie that he or she is truly happy to have made someone else happy.With that cleared u p, if you want to thank me for my analysis, go ahead. My response?Ill be thankful if there were no problems with it.